I have got a problem
Hi, my name is Mrs T and I have a makeup addiction. I would wake up in the morning and think about makeup, I would think about makeup while at work, I would even go to bed thinking about makeup. I was caught in a hamster wheel of foundations, eyeliners and blusher brushes and I lost sight of the important things in life.
My mind was constantly thinking about my new makeup purchase, what makeup looks I could do and whether or not I should grow out my eyebrows. It has been five years since I rediscovered my passion for makeup and although it has been an addiction that has helped me rediscover myself and my confidence, it has also consumed my life in sometimes unhealthy ways.
I am the type of person that, once a passion has ignited, will go all in and become obsessed. I have had many addictions throughout my lifetime; shoes, handbags, World of Warcraft, but every time I have indulged myself I have grown bored with it in time. My makeup addiction has been, apart from the fourteen years I smoked, my biggest addiction and the one that has lasted the longest.
I became obsessed with makeup as a teenager who would glam herself up to go out on a Friday night with her friends. Although my obsession with makeup decreased in my twenties, I always enjoyed the feeling of being fully made up. Putting on makeup has never felt like a chore to me and I attribute that reason to why I have not become bored.
A sense of insecurity
My rediscovery of makeup occurred about six months after my son was born. I had been going to the gym as I wanted to shift the baby weight (and the rest of my fat) when I started putting some makeup on in the mornings before work.
Being desperately insecure at the time; I struggled with motherhood and felt striped of my identity. I felt like I was ‘just a mum’ and I did not deserve to take care of myself. Going to the gym in the mornings was ‘my time’ and it gave me time to focus, an effect that I found also when putting on my makeup.
After, I started to feel worthy once again, I discovered makeup groups on Facebook. I felt that I had found people who understood me and felt the same as I did. I have made some amazing friends through the makeup community and I am eternally grateful to have met them.
If buying and wearing makeup makes you feel good and gives you confidence, isn’t that a good thing? The answer to that is not when the element of competition comes into the equation. When I became part of the beauty community I felt the intense desire to compare myself to others; this sparked my need to ‘keep up with the Jones’. As a society, we are built upon the idea of always striving for the best and being the best we can be rather than just settling with what we have and being happy.
I never enter competitions based upon skill as I have the fear of failure. The same can apply to makeup; I felt I needed to keep up with certain trends and buy certain things just because everyone else was.
This has resulted in me having a massive Makeup Geek eyeshadow and blusher collection because I felt I had to have the eyeshadows that everyone raved about online. I am happy that I do have such a good Makeup Geek collection because the quality is amazing. However, I did not need nearly every shade and I did not need all the neutral shades considering I am not a neutral kind of girl.
The desire to conform and impress my fellow members of the community led me to become a makeup buying monster. I desperately wanted the Moonchild palette because it was so coveted and when I finally got it I did not like it, I should have waited for all the reviewers saying that it is not good for pale skin like mine. I have, however, not decluttered it, I keep it as a constant reminder that I should shop smarter and not let my addiction get the better of me.
Denial concerning my Makeup Addiction
I did not think I had a problem; nobody does when they start. I expanded my storage every couple of months and decluttering the stuff that was ‘old news’ to my niece. I was decluttering stuff I did not use or did not like and it got me thinking; why did I buy it in the first place? I felt like I did not have a problem because it did not get me into debt, I felt my makeup addiction was manageable.
However, I became overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choice I had in my makeup collection that it would often take me longer to decide what to use than to do my face. I became bored with makeup and became apathetic. At this point of boredom, I thought ‘what about doing a blog?’ This act of starting Life with Mrs T sparked huge realisations within me and spurred me to change my habits.
When I started my blog my first post was a ‘Shop my Stash’ post. I decided to pick out what makeup I would use for the week and put it all in a box; this way I could rotate my collection around and make sure I got used out of everything. I have been shopping my stash ever since. I have realised that I have everything I need already to feel great and look good. Apart from products like concealer, eyeliner and mascara, I have been managing to use up the products I already have.
I will be honest, I have had quite a few slip-ups along the way, especially when it comes to Revolution Makeup and Primark beauty products which are great quality at a great price and they dupe many high-end products. In the process of actually trying my makeup, I have discovered what I like and what I do not; I have steered away from ‘brown neutral palettes with one or two pops of colour’ because I know I already have stuff that would dupe it.
I also do project panning’s; my goal has not just been to pan stuff but to use them up completely and be able to throw them in my empties. Project pan has taught me that makeup takes forever to use up and I do not need all of this extra makeup cluttering my life. Why would anyone need five different foundations when your favourite one is the one you always reach for to use?
Hope on the horizon
I would not say I am fully over my obsession with buying makeup. I have certainly started to conquer the mountain ready to come down the other side. Also, as I have become older I have realised how much my skin has changed, not everything suits my skin. I have discovered what products work for me and which do not.
Why would I need to keep trying every single makeup product in search of something better than I already have; is makeup that competitive? I have reduced the number of new releases I expose myself to. It has definitely helped curb the spending to a point where I buy a minimal amount of makeup. I feel like the money can be put to better use on upgrading my wardrobe.
A new addiction?
There is, however, a nagging doubt in my head that I can not subdue. Have I replaced my makeup addiction with a different one, blogging? Since I have started blogging it has taken up the vast majority of my time and some of my money. So has it just replaced my makeup addiction?
I enjoy writing so much; I feel like it has helped me care for my brain and keep me accountable for myself. Having learnt so much since starting blogging, I hope that my passion for it will keep going. Combining blogging and beauty has meant I can have the best of both worlds, but will it last?
Can you identify with the psychology of my makeup addiction? Do you think I have just swapped blogging over for shopping? Let me know what you think in the comments.
Ciao for now beauties xx